I cannot find my penis.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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