i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
