I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize