I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
