I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
