JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
