Will you blow on my dice?
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
