If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Randomize
