Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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