New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
