i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
