Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Randomize
