Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
