That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
