you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
