Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
