Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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