I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Randomize
