btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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