hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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