I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
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