Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Randomize
