So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I think my fart just growled at me.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
