Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
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