Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
