I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
That accounts for only three of the penises
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
