oh god the rape fog is back!
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
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