Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
he was CRYING into my vagina
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
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