I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
The power of my boobs compel you
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
