I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
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