All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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