Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
