I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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