so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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