If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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