Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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