I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
i out mim tonsoeep
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
