I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
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