I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize