and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
