Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
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You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
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Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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