i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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