party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
