Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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