i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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