you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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