Don't make out with my wife yet
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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