Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
