I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
