You made me cry and you don't even care
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
