drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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