I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
