Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
