I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
