oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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