Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
