Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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