He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
