Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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