so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
