so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
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