His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
