Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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