I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
