I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
