I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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