i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
