Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
