Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
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