everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
