Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
