There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
