So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
