dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
