I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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