and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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