no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
