where does the pee come out of this thing
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
