I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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