I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Alive.
So much puke
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
